Not to say that this has been a wasted trip to my hometown, because it hasn't been. Not altogether. My mother subjected me to a soul-crushing conversation the other night, in which she more or less indicated that I seek professional help to find out why I don't have a boyfriend, but other than that, it's been a walk in the fucking park.

Perhaps the most depressing aspect of that discussion between my mother and myself was the realization that I am of the age where soul-crushing, mother applied, "when are you getting married" cliches can actually be relevant to me. Cliches are always a bit of a poke in the eye whenever they manifest in actual reality, unless, of course, they're of the cheezy, romantic-comedy variety of cliche. Mother-applied cliches never fall in that camp, however. Mother-applied cliches make one feel like a crusty old spinster, even if one is only 25.

My mother has an amazing ability to convince me that all of her concerns, no matter how irrational or inane, are completely valid. This is why I value my sister, my friends, my peers, to bring me back to reality. This is also why I do not live in the same time zone as my mother.

I'm about ready to go home, to my wee little apartment in Chicago.

OH! I didn't tell you ... I'm getting a kitty. A friend of mine, who volunteers at a no-kill shelter, found a cat who had been abandoned after his elderly owner had passed away. He's probably only about a year old, so sweet, purrs like a lawnmower practicing tantric breathing. He's white with gray and black striped markings, and oh, god, I hope he likes me. I wonder what his name is.

Right. Things to look forward to when I get home:

1. Being on my own turf, again

2. Planning something for New Year's. (I have no idea what. I imagine it will involve copious amounts of alcohol and negligible amounts of church ... whereas Christmas, it seems, is to involve copious amounts of both.) (I may have had a few shots of vodka before attempting to wrap my family's presents. The end result looks like the aftermath of an origami Chernobyl.)

3. Bringing my kitty on home.

Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, I love my family, and there are many wonderful things that have happened this week.

Here's where I draw another gratuitous, Vodka-on-Christmas-Eve inspire, horizontal rule.

Cool stuff that I've experienced during my Massachusetts visit:

1. I passed some very casual, quality time with my beloved sister. Nothing like it.

2. I saw an old, close friend last night, whose mindset is much different from mine. As a result, he and I had hours of conversation to cover, and what we had to offer each other was both enlightening and entertaining.

3. I spent a good amount of time today, wandering through the strange and fascinating world of Neiman Marcus, where lipstick costs upwards of $80.

4. In the same, upscale mall which houses the Boston Neiman Marcus, I came across an older man and a younger woman singing, to the tune of "We wish you a Merry Christmas,"

"We wish you would do the right thing

We wish you would do the right thing

We wish you would do the right thing

And end corporate greed."

Over and over and over again, with no sign of stopping. Made me smile, for whatever reason. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I had just left Neiman Marcus.

5. After passing the anti-establishment carolers, I ascended the escalator, passing a store called "Mahogany Florists." My mind somehow twisted the text to read, "Manogamy Florists," which cracked me up.

6. On Newbury Street, I passed a man who was sitting on a bucket, a sign propped up against his knees which read:

"HOMELESS VEGETARIAN

Need Money For Food."

Now, there's a principled man, my friends. Good god.

7. I visited a couple of my favorite haunts, including my favorite cafe and my regular convenience store. The employees remembered me at both places, despite the fact that I hadn't been to either in over a year and a half, and they asked where I had gone to.

8. While having tea and reading in my once-regular cafe, I was interrupted by a woman at a neighboring table. She was Chinese, taught English as a Second Language to other Chinese adults, and was in the process of writing a book. She asked me to distinguish between related yet somewhat different English words and phrases, such as "strain" and "sprain," "recover" and "recuperate," "take drugs" and "do drugs." She also asked me to define "to get high."

What was this book about, I wonder?

Anyway, the reason she was asking for first-hand help, is that apparently, definitions of English words vary from one American dictionary to another, whereas in China, dictionary definitions are absolute. She seemed to think that it had something to do with the American/Western value in individuality, creativity, freedom of speech, and the like. Downright confusing, I say, even though it had never occurred to me. So interesting.

This woman also indicated that she had asked these questions of other native English-speakers, who had not been able to answer her. Shame on us. Good thing she stumbled upon the super-eloquent Ms. Luvabeans, no?

(Indulge me, folks. It's Christmas. Officially so.)

9. At church tonight, (I go to church almost twice a year, including Christmas Eve,) I spent mass watching the children amuse themselves in the pews. Endlessly endearing entertainment. I think many of these kids were laying it on really thick in hopes that Santa was watching, doing his last run-down on his list of "nice" and "naughty," because I don't think I've seen a larger number of sweet and affectionate children.

A family with 3 children sat in front of my parents and I, and they tumbled and cuddled throughout the service, but somehow remained quiet and undisturbing to those around them. As Bob Cratchit would have said, (so sorry for the cheese, but it's CHRISTMAS,) the two sisters and their brother were "good as gold."

10. While I was wandering Boston again today, it began raining rather heavily. It was warm, however, and I love the rain, so I sauntered about like it ain't no thang, figuring I'd stop in to a cafe to get some coffee while waiting to go catch the train back to my parents' town.

A couple of blocks from my cafe, a young gentlemen came to my side. He was carrying a sizeable blue-and-white umbrella. I had no protection from the rain, could barely see between the rain-splotches on my glasses, and was rather visibly soggy.

The young gentlemen slowed until he was in step with me, then gave me a friendly, sideways nod, inviting me to share his umbrella. We walked together for exactly two blocks before going our separate ways, wishing each other Happy Holidays.

With that, I wish you the same.

I'm glad I'm with my family for Christmas, mother-inspired neuroses be damned.

Oh, wait... can I say "damned" on Christmas?

Well, mother-inspired neuroses be danged, then.

Happy Holidays.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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BUY JEN'S BOOK! BUY IT! DO IT!

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BUY DEAN'S BOOK, TOO! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! SERIOUSLY.

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