'Tis time for another jolly jaunt through the vast and musty caverns of human behavior with your valiant guide, Luvabeans!

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All right, I have to ask.

I can understand most fetishes on some level, even if I don't share them myself. The whips, the chains, the role-playing, the bondage, OK. Fascination with feet, that's Jim Dandy. Even felching (look it up), if you're in the heat of the moment... Whatever. Share and share alike, I say. One man's bodily fluids is another man's breakfast.

There are many ways to heighten one's sensory experiences during the act. Some seem a little unsavory, some are dangerous, some are just too frickin' complicated for me to wrap my head around, but for the most part, I can see how they'd increase the visceral nature of sex, help "bring out the beast," get you back to your basest nature, blablabla good times.

However, this one has me stymied: Apparently, there are a number of people out there who get their rocks off by drinking their girlfriends' breast milk, or letting their boyfriends suckle them. Like, suckle them. I'm not talking playful tongue-flips to the nipple, I'm talking full-on Rosasharn Joad SUCKLING.

Every day, folks, every day, at LEAST one person is directed to this diary via a search for breast-milk related topics. The people posing these queries are not lactating mothers, nor are they wet-nurses. I also highly doubt that they are infants at the teat.

Here, verbatim, are just a few of those queries:

- Like to drink breast milk

- May I drink breast milk

- Drinking my girlfriend's breast milk

- I want to drink breast milk

- I feed my breast milk to my boyfriend

(Please note, this has been happening ever since July 28th, when I posted this entry, long before the undeniably Oedipal Jackson/Timberlake incident. [I don't mean to perpetuate the undeserved hype by mentioning it.] So, this penchant is not a trend.)

I think the latter two queries are the creepiest. The penultimate one, in my mind, can only be said in a creepy Igor/Gollum voice, wide eyed and drooling, "I want it I want it I want it my precioussssssss ..." while the last is at once bizarrely innocent and sinister. ("Come on, darling. Drink it. Drriinnnkk .... DRINK IT! DO IT!")

Christ and Pearly Jesus, if anyone actually practices this post-infancy breast-feeding, I would greatly appreciate you explaining it to me. I suspect that you're not nursing for lack of nutrients, out of necessity, or anything like that. I assume you're doing it because you're SKETCHY. I'm sorry, but at the moment, I am judging you all to be bizarre, pasty, head-cases, like Norman Bates from "Psycho" or Kathy Bates from "Misery," who either have been kept locked in a basement for most of your formative years, fed paste when you were a babies, and/or been taught an unhealthy attitude towards women or towards yourselves. Maybe you're obsessed with "The Grapes of Wrath." Maybe you just have a good ol' fashioned screw loose.

You can email me directly, or post a comment, and feel free to remain as anonymous as you please. Enlighten me. I don't like to judge, but if I must, I must. Until I get some sort of explanation, ANY explanation, be assured that I will rest on my laurels and judge, judge, JUDGE you as a toothless, serial killin' FREAKO with a severely unresolved Oedipus complex.

Thank you, kisses, and please don't look at me like that.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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BUY JEN'S BOOK! BUY IT! DO IT!

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BUY DEAN'S BOOK, TOO! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! SERIOUSLY.

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