Not to mention, her version of "Gloria" kind of makes me wish I was a stripper. I don't know why it is, but I can't think of any other song that so inspires me to hump a pole. God, I love that song.

"I am Patti Smith, and I am absolutley fucking psychotic."

She looks like the love-child of Charles Manson and Valerie Solonas. How can you not love her?

THAT said ...

This past weekend was really quite nice, inspiring me to be in an excellent mood after a few long, strange weeks of feeling like I was steadily losing my shit. I stood at the bus stop today, breathing with the breeze, listening to "Gloria" while mentally choreographing the pole dance that will never be. (Never. Ever. Ever.) Totally enjoying the morning despite the fact that I couldn't sleep worth a damn last night.

I was tempted to resurrect the Reverse Weekend Recap, but those are really rather annoying and tedious to write, and alway end up ungodly long. So instead, because lists are fun and oddly comforting, here is ...

1. Went to this party with Jen, who is incredibly fun, very sweet, and just fucking cool. We've hung out a few times and had a complete blast every time, and Friday night was no exception. Jen and I talked and drank and smoked and cracked the fuck up, until going to the party, where we did more of same, especially that which involved drinking.

By the end of the night, Jen and I were being referred to as a single unit, and heard "Oh, it's Jen and Kelly!" a couple of times upon entering a room. We were Like Laverne and Shirley. But way cooler, I hope beyond hope, and less inclined to wear godawful high-waisted, skin-tight jeans.

And I must say, to have someone as cool as Jen describe me as a "badass" and "Wonderwoman without tights" is a pretty hard-core compliment.

Jen, I realize all of this effusive gushing is doing nothing to disprove any friendly rumors being spread about the web by certain jealous folks named Aaron, but your rockinness must be acknowleged. In a completely hetero way.

(Follow Jen's link to read a much better recap of the evening, which could very well be too full of private jokes for you to really understand. If that's the case, feel free to bask in the light of my exclusiveness, and remember that I love you.)

That evening, I drank 3 enormous and very magenta margaritas, 2 glasses of red wine, and an entire pint of Maker's Mark. I think I avoided making a total asshole of myself, but I'm never very good at noticing when my slurring becomes incomprehensible, so maybe I'm not the best judge of how my drunken behavior is perceived.

2. Finally went shopping, and managed to find some cute spring clothes. I've discovered the secret to shopping ... I buy things off the rack without trying it on until I get home. Anything I don't like, I take back. That way I somewhat manage to avoid the things I hate about shopping, (i.e. crowds, dressing rooms, and perky salespeople,) and maintain what I like about it (i.e. buying presents for myself).

Right. So I now have some new shirts and skirts to liven up my wardrobe, some of which are actually not black. I also have new Snoopy underwear. And that's that.

3. Tried vegan air-popped popcorn, dressed with olive oil and cayenne pepper. It really does make you sneeze, but it's so good, and the sneeziness kind of makes you feel like a cartoon character, which is always fun.

4. Bought some new CDs (including a couple by Patti Smith,) that I really don't need, but desperately wanted. The man behind the counter was a sweet, aging hippy with a long grey beard and a surprisingly elegant speech pattern.

5. Watched Madonna's latest movie, "Swept Away," which you should never, ever, ever, even if you're being threatened at gunpoint, agree to watch.

6. Attended the 40th birthday party of my friend, Rus, who is relatively famous in Chicago for his Carroll Channing impersonation, and performs rather regularly at drag clubs and events. My friends and I sat on the back porch, drinking beer, hanging out, and counting the cars in passing trains until well after the sun went down.

See? So nice. Not terribly interesting, (sorry,) but nice.

OH! And ...

1. Receiving metaphorical head from Uncle Sam, in the form of a bigfat tax refund. If the amount of the check is an accurate indication, Sam's cunnilingual skills have vastly improved since last year. Thanks, Uncle Sam.

(He's not really my uncle. That would make the cunnilingus reference sketchy. The metaphorical cunnilingus in question is completely innocent, much deserved, and long overdue.)

2. Moving to a much bigger apartment, just a few floors above my current residence. Easiest move, ever.

3. Hosting some out-of-town visitors, including a good friend I haven't seen in some time, and my mother, sister, and cousin. The latter group is bringing an assload of much-needed furniture from my parents' attic, which I hope will help to fill what will be a very sparsely furnished apartment.

4. My upcoming BiLuvaCentennial ... i.e., my 200th entry. I am such a dork, but I'm rather a sap for stupid personal commemoration.

5. Making a couple of trips, myself, including one to New York City for Memorial Day, (to reunite with some old roommates and get shitanky-assed drunk and ridiculous,) as well as a trip to visit some neighbors to the north.

Yes, that's right, the dream is soon to become a reality, as a date has been set for me to visit sunny, sunny Saskatchewan. Yay.

My life is so motherfucking fascinating, it's amazing my head doesn't explode. It's like a never-ending acid trip, I swear.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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BUY JEN'S BOOK! BUY IT! DO IT!

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BUY DEAN'S BOOK, TOO! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! SERIOUSLY.

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