See the time up there? Yeah. My suckass flight leaves at fucking 7 AM, and it takes me over an hour to get to the airport, where air travel laws (as dictated by my dad) say I must arrive 2 hours prior to departure.

Yeah.

I decided not to sleep tonight. Last time I went to bed the night before an early flight, I totally missed the plane and dashed out of my apartment almost before putting on pants. So, no rest for the wicked tonight. The wicked AWESOME, that is!

Shit. I’m kind of tired.

Last night, my head told me that it would be a good idea to practice not-sleeping, so I could get in shape and stay up again tonight. This is completely logical to me, you know, because two negatives create a positive, right? You’d be surprised: many of my actions are based on impressive mathematical logic, except when I’m actually doing Math.

HOW’S THIS FOR OVER-THINKING:

The creepiest pick-up line I ever received was from a middle aged woman who hit on me all night, told me I “tripped the light fantastic,” and then laid out the ultimate in cross-generational pseudo-lesbian creepitude by telling me she wanted me to have her grandkids. Believe me, her attentions made it clear that this proposition had nothing to do with her setting me up with her sons.

I spent the rest of the night wondering what kind of Quantum jump in the time/space continuum would be necessary for that to be possible.

Here’s how:

1. Middle Aged Barfly goes back in time, and convinces her younger self to have a sex-change.
2. Middle Aged Barfly convinces newly transgendered Younger Middle Age Barfly to come back with her to the future.
3. Turns out that newly transgendered Younger Middle Age Barfly is really hot, she => he and I meet at the Foggy Goggle in Vermont, (where I was when I met middle aged Middle Aged Barfly,) fall deeply in love when she => he tells me I “trip the light fantastic,” and copulate. Middle aged Middle Aged Barfly witnesses with satisfaction. Well, she witnesses the courting. Not the copulating. Because, I assume even middle aged Middle Aged Barfly draws the line somewhere.
4. I get knocked up, and bear Middle Aged Barfly’s grandchildren.

Logic! Pure and infallible!

Would you believe that I did really well on my SATs? Because it’s really important that you believe that.

Oh, yeah. Airport. I’m going to San Francisco until Monday, for a grad school interview, and to hang out with friends, many of whose online diaries I could link to but am too rushed to bother.

Sorry, guys! I was even too rushed to email a couple of you, but we’ll be in touch.

I’ve managed to pack super light, because I am the Hobo Deluxe.

I’m staying with my friend Nikki, who was my best friend in high school, and whom I stayed with for a few nights the last time I went to SF. We are both SO EXCITED TO SEE ME AGAIN! Wait … yeah.

Nikki’s boyfriend and her boyfriend’s roommate, on whose couch I randomly crashed during my last manifest destiny adventure, are also excited to see me again, and even offered to keep me company on days when Nikki’s at work. This makes me really happy, because I was nervous that I came across as some sketchy freeloader when I met them. We got along really well, though, and watched the Puppy Bowl together on Superbowl Sunday, so I guess we bonded.

BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY:

1. My cell phone busted. It’s ok, though, because I got a new one until my replacement arrives in the mail. Thanks, warranty!
2. There was a loud gum chewer on my bus on the way to work. I was already in a foul mood because of my phone, and I fucking hate loud chewing. Seriously, if you chew audibly, it might be hard for me to be your friend. However, I looked in my bag and found a fresh pair of leftover earplugs from the last rock show I attended, so I stuffed them in my ears, and it muffled the GODDAMN FUCKING cud-chewing. Jesus. Thank, old-lady earplugs!

COOL THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY:

1. You guys remember the roller derby entry? Well, a couple of derby ladies from one of the sites I referenced traced the link back here, and contacted me. Their names are Queen B (whose ass is pictured in that entry), and Betty Larseny. They were very friendly, and further encouraged my interest. Cool.

2. When I mentioned to Nikki that I wanted to join a derby league, she got all happy, and said that if I move to the Bay Area, we should get involved with the team out there. So I have a partner in imminent self-destruction! Awesome.

Possible derby names I’m thinking of: Ophelia Heartbreak, and Maura Van Outlaw.

Everyone and their mother, well, even MY mother, is talking like I’m totally moving to San Francisco. I don’t know at all yet, though.

I’m very nervous about this interview. The really important part is ensemble-based, and I have a sketchy past with group activities. (Infer anything you want from that statement. You might be right.)

Lookit …

TWO INSTANCES IN WHICH GROUP ACTIVITY LED TO INJURY:

(Apologies to those who have already heard these stories.)

1. I was in fourth grade, in camp. We were playing Red Rover, and the other team “called me over.” I noticed the kid on the end of the opposing hand-linked kid-chain was cheating, i.e. holding on with two hands, so I decided to run through him and the girl he was holding onto. So, I plowed into the poor little fucker, and he went FLYING. He returned to camp 2 days later with a cast on his broken arm.

2. I was 20 or 21, at a call-back for a play. For a warm up before scene work, all of the actors played freeze tag or something. I ran into an actress and broke her toe.

So, you can understand my misgivings. Wish me luck, but don’t tell me to break a leg, because I’ll probably just end up breaking someone else’s.

Oh, my goodness. The head gets so fuzzy when it doesn’t sleep for two days!

I like to think I’m being all monastic or something. Deprivation is the key to enlightenment. Next, watch me walk on hot coals! Watch!

Wow, I really have to go.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Arm-in-Arm Down Burgundy - 09.05.05

Motivated! - 08.25.05

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

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BUY JEN'S BOOK! BUY IT! DO IT!

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BUY DEAN'S BOOK, TOO! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! SERIOUSLY.

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