For hott sexx, though, might I suggest this or maybe this, or maybe bounce around here for a bit. You’re bound to land on something somewhat titillating, or at least amusing.

ONWARDS!

Avast! Feminism! (Everything’s funner in Piratespeak.)

And, also, this isn't an "Women Rule, Men Suck" diatribe, either. Because, blech.

A good friend of mine who is fascinated by all things female posted the following queries for his woman readers:*

What do you feel makes a person a feminist? Do you consider yourself a feminist? Why or why not?

So in answer to this, I spent a good amount of last night writing a ginormous personal essay about the evolution of my definition of feminism, filled with all this crap about “when I was a wee lass” and “when I was a young girl,” but it was tedious and boring as fuck and has thus been deleted into oblivion. I could write a whole book about my feelings on various woman’s issues, and it would ALL be tedious and boring as fuck, (which is why I haven’t been able to complete much feminist literature, myself,) and I still wouldn’t have said all that I want to say.

I’ve decided to simplify. Of course, this will probably calls for free-form ranting, and lots of LISTS!

Now, I’ve done a lot of thinking about feminism over the years. Considering my tendency to turn into Wordy McWritesalot when addressing issues of personal importance, let me first answer TJ’s questions upfront. After that, I recommend you pour yourself a glass of wine and settle in as I elaborate to death.

What do you feel makes a person a feminist?

Very simply, I think that anyone who advocates equal rights for women is a feminist, whether they do so through active protest or just through standing up for themselves and the women they love. Anyone willing to recognize that unfair limitations are still imposed on women is a feminist. You don’t need a membership card or a license, you don’t necessarily need to uphold any specific political beliefs to be a feminist, as long as you tout the mindset that women deserve, but do not always have, the same respect and rights as men.

Even if you don’t call yourself a feminist, if you uphold those beliefs, then I call you a feminist, whether you like it or not. So there.

Pretty broad, eh? (Pun intended.)

Do you consider yourself a feminist?

Betchyer ass.

Why or why not?

See first answer. Keep reading for further clarification.

Next, some disclaimers.

1. I am a white, 25-year-old woman from middle class suburban America. The following bullshit is my perspective, based on my experiences. Some might say that those experiences are somewhat limited considering that I’ve had things pretty easy compared to women of other demographics, and I wouldn’t entirely disagree. I have been lucky in many respects. I did not know poverty when I was growing up. It was always assumed that I would go to college. When it became relevant, using birth control was an available option for me. I have never been sexually abused in any way. I have never had to personally consider whether or not to have an abortion. Still, my experiences are those of a woman, and valid as such.

2. I don’t know jack shit about most of feminist ideology. Almost all of the feminist literature I’ve read has been contemporary, because I haven’t really been able to get all the way through anything else. I tried reading “The Femine Mystique” and “The Beauty Myth” and the like, but while I still think such works are very important, I found them to be dated and, thankfully, to have seeped enough into the collective unconscious (at least for a moderately aware woman) that I didn’t have much desire to finish them except out of a sense of responsibility.

3. I recognize that feminism has changed drastically since the word “feminist” was coined, and that I am of the younger, generally more liberal generation of contemporary feminists. My definition of feminism is different from my mother’s. She did not identify with her generation’s definition, and thus doesn’t consider herself a feminist. I, however, think she is one, because her mindset is in keeping with my definition of feminism. (Rock on, Mom.**)

4. Generally, I’m not and Ismist. I used to try to be, but have learned that my brain just doesn’t work in –isms. I usually see too much grey area. See, most social sciences, also known as the softer sciences, are based on correlation and not causation. No matter how strong the correlation, a continuous, legitimate counter-argument of “But why?” will eventually reduce your point to “BECAUSE! SHUT UP!” Statistics can only take you so far.

5. Given the fact that the majority of the blogging demographic seems to be women and girls under 40, I’d totally preaching to the choir if I were preaching. (Well, that’s not wholly accurate, because not all women consider themselves feminists.)

6. I’m not preaching.

Right, then, me hearties. Let the lists begin. Arrrrrrr.

(I don’t think that pirates say “wee-wee” or “hoo-hah.” More’s the pity.)

1. I’ve always hated the idea of people making assumptions about me, such as that I was “sugar and spice and everything nice.” When I was little, I pretended to like worms because it wasn’t something that was expected of girls. I took extreme pride in beating the boys in arm-wrestling and the 50-yard-dash, because they said girls weren’t as strong or as fast as they were. I wasn’t an ass about it, though. I was quiet and agreeable, but refused to accept that I could or could not do something because I was not a boy. At the same time, I never envied boys, or wanted to be a boy.

2. I’ve also always hated the idea that people could think of me as a possession of someone else. I don’t fully support the analogy of Woman is to Man as Fish is to Bicycle,*** but I know that I don’t need a man to be complete. Perhaps more accurately, thinking about myself in the context of my relationship with a man should in no way define my identity. Compliment it, sure. Change my “womanly” roles in life, quite possibly. Maybe even complete me. But not define me.

It bugs me, though, when people assume that I’m making decisions because there MUST be a man in my life. When I wear makeup to work, I hear a lot of “Oh, you look so nice! There must be someone new. I can tell.”

No you can’t. For all you know, I put on makeup to amuse my cat, who likes to sit on the toilet and watch me.

A couple of years ago, when I told people I was making a big solo move to Chicago, a number of people assumed I was following a boy here. That ruffled my feathers.

Of course, I realize that the above two items aren’t strictly woman’s concerns.

As for the first: Unfair assumptions are made about boys and men, too, and I honestly think it’s a pity that that doesn’t get more attention. In some sense, little boys need their Ophelias revived as well. Call it "Mellowing Laertes" or something.

And the second: Regardless of gender, codependence is unhealthy, periodendofstory.

I’ve observed, however, that concern for those two items are not equal among men and women.

OK before I go on, I’d just like to say right now that I recognize I have no concrete facts or data to back up my arguments. Such is the nature of the “softer sciences,” as I’ve already said. Personal observations can never be objective, and neither objectivity nor observation can be measured in beakers or poured into test tubes. Even the strongest statistics can be explained more than one way.

Now that that’s said, I’m going to continue, without constant apology, justification, or excessive advocacy of the devil, because if I keep up with that I’ll just piss myself off. I do see the validity of any and all counter-points, but for the sake of argument, please pretend I have invented and am utilizing a tool that perfectly measures data pertaining to intangible theories. Thanks much.

Ahem. Next?

1. My best friend in high school was sexually assaulted, and it affected her deeply. Her mother told her it was her fault. She was ashamed to tell most people. This same friend also had big boobs and was unapologetically loud and intelligent, and was often assumed to be a “slut” or a “bitch.”

2. I was confidante to another one of my best friends in high school as she came to terms with her homosexuality. I realize that coming out is a big deal for people of both genders, but it also makes you question your role within your gender and in relation to the opposite sex. I heard her talk about feeling freakish and unnatural, and afraid that she was less of a girl because she didn’t like to kiss boys. It made me think about assumptions and how difficult it is to challenge them.

3. I got me a big, fat, eating disorder. No fear, this isn’t going to turn into another bulimiapalooza.

I see eating disorders as being a modern Women’s Issue. There’s body image, control, need to feel independent and powerful, and all that asscrap about how a billion percent of the women we see every day are superskinny, when about a trillion percent of the women who LOOK at those images look a little more like me. (Not superskinny.)

This caused a huge internal conflict at the beginning stages of my eating disorder. I thought of myself as a feminist, and thought that for me to have an eating disorder would be hypocritical, that it would mean I was buying into societal stuff that I recognized as being false and manipulative. Therefore, it was years before I would define it as an eating disorder. I didn’t have a problem, I had “bad habits” or “tremendous willpower.” Denial with a capital DENIAL. Still, even when I was a teenager, I knew what I was doing and I wished I could stop, but felt there would be no place for me in the world if I became a Fatgirl. I knew that wasn’t the way it should be, but nonetheless, status quo is a hard thing for one young woman to fight.

Anyway.

So, for a while, partly because of the above experiences and partly because my brain works overtime, I felt the need to toss my feelings, beliefs, and reactions into piles of “–isms.” Feminism, anti-sizeism, even separatism. I tried to be angry at and defensive against whatever the opposition was, but it didn’t work for me, and any didactic “-ism” quickly softened, inasmuch as I recognized the way that one’s personal laws can change with experience and environment.

I think that anyone who loves and respects women, and sees that women, like everyone else, deserves love and respect, is a feminist. It also helps if you see the difficulties women sometimes face in that regard. Lots of people are feminists without even realizing it.

For example:

I once made some derogatory comment about my body around my friend Pablo. He just looked at me for a moment before exclaiming, “Girls are crazy!” To me, that was a pro-feminist statement.

Maybe I was giving him too much credit, but by “girls are crazy,” I’m pretty sure he meant “you’re not fucking fat I don’t know why you women are so hard on yourselves and it frustrates me that you don’t see how awesome you are, FIGHT THE MAN! FIGHT THE MAN!”

(OK, you kind of have to know Pablo to see that “fight The Man” is implied in everything he says. “Could you pass the potatoes [FIGHT THE MAN] please? Thank [FIGHT THE MAN] you.”)

I understand there is a stigma attached to the word “feminist,” which makes many women shy away from the title. I also understand that, like all stereotypes, this stigma comes from some basis in fact. Things have changed, however. Women in the earlier years of the women’s movement had to behave more drastically in order to be heard, because the opposing voices were much louder, so to speak. Now, things are more balanced, and your average feminist is more “toned down,” for lack of a better phrase.

So. Let’s debunk, shall we?

You do not have to, and have never had to …

- Hate men.

- Think women are better than men.

- Be a woman.

- Shave your head.

- Be angry (though that often happens, justifiably so).

- Burn your bra or hide your tits.

- Eschew your femininity and any aspect thereof. (Go ahead and wear makeup and dresses, get dolled up if that’s your fancy.)

- Be loud.

- Wave a vibrator around in public. (Though I’d totally high-five you if you did.) You can be just as demure as you please.

- Hate sex.

- Hate porn. (But I gotta point out that most porn is geared towards men, and featured stuff being done to women, much of which could be regarded as misogynistic.)

That’s just a few.

You do have to …

- Love and respect women, and stand up for the love and respect of women, as you would for any human being.

A liberal definition, I know. Don’t get me wrong. There’s still work to be done.

But there are more people willing to do it than I think we give credit for.

There’s so much more that could be said. But I’m done for now.

Want more? You could read this or this.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of estrogen,

Debunkmaster K

*TJ welcomes participation on this feature on his site, by the way. The more ladies who play with his blog, the better.

** “Rock on Mom!” The lesser-known sequel to “Hop on Pop!”

*** “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” … Gloria Steinem. Go here if you’d like more info.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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