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100 Things
DiaryReviews!
03.13.04 + 2:00 a.m.
I KNOW!
I’ll follow a trend and list a bunch of stuff about myself!
Right.
So put down those sticks and prepare to be fascinated.
1. I’m the same height as my mom and my sister, but I seem a lot taller.
2. I have really tiny ears. They didn’t drain properly when I was little, and I had frequent ear infections.
3. As such, my hearing is not my pet sense.
4. My pet peeve, however, is open-mouthed chewing. It makes me implode. If you’re ever eating with me, and my head starts to twitch towards my right shoulder and I am rendered mute save for some guttural “ew, ew” noises, it’s because you’re chewing with your mouth open. Please stop. I like you, but I can’t take that sound.
5. Mannequins wig me out.
6. I love the smell of lilacs. It seems almost unreal to me that it exists.
7. My favorite flower is the calla lily.
8. I have the same birthday as Charles Manson. Shout-out to my Scorpio brother in maximum security! Woot!
9. I can wiggle my eyebrows independently of one another. To raise them at the same time, I have to concentrate on synchronizing them.
10. I have an awful memory for factual details.
11. I’m really good at remembering faces of even the briefest of acquaintances. Like that of the girl who sells hats at NOrdstroms who I saw on the subway recently, or the guy I saw walking his dog outside of the grocery store, who I again saw at a bar.
12. The first concert I attended was “Sha Na Na.”
13. If I were a “Friend,” I’d be Phoebe.
14. If I were a “Golden Girl,” I’d be Rose.
15. If I were a Muppet, I’d probably be a weird Prairie Dawn/Janis hybrid. “Welcome, oh, welcome to our little play. Fer sure.”
16. I frequently experience déjà vu.
17. I have a cat named Ziggy. He’s a drag queen. He’s staring at me right now.
18. I have ridiculously strong fingernails.
19. I’m rather ridiculously strong, myself. Elephant-style. Ganesha-style.
20. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. Oh, no, wait … that was Humpty. I … um … once dressed up like a fairy and rolled on ecstasy with two of my best friends, and we cuddled for the next two days. (Shoot. I might be combining two separate experiences. And why, oh why, would anyone care about either of them? Oh, bah.)
21. Almost every time I go to a library or book store, I have to take a massive dump within 10 minutes of my arrival.
22. My first onstage role was as an orphan boy in “Oliver.” I had huge, satellite-dish, pouffy 80s bangs bursting out of my hat. It was very masculine.
23. I likes me some whiskey.
24. I can’t lie to save my life. When I was in fifth grade, my best friend concocted this horrible rumor about “Heather,” a really annoying girl in my class. Heather happened to ask me about it casually, and I broke down crying. I got so upset that Heather freaked out and ended up apologizing to me.
25. That said, I don’t lie.
26. However, I’m capable of pulling off a good poker face.
27. I love those Haribo black and red raspberry candies. Yummy filling-loosening goodness.
28. When I’m feeling stressed or out of place, I have dreams about my hair. I once dreamt that Ricky Martin gave me a really awful haircut, but I didn’t say anything because (a) I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and (b) Ricky fucking Martin was cutting my hair. I was a little speechless.
29. I prefer skirts to pants.
30. I often go commando. I’m going commando right now! KAPOW!
31. I frequently experience déjà vu.
32. I really hate not having anything to do on a Friday night.
33. I have a new DVD player, and I can’t get the fucking thing to work. Otherwise, I’d be cozily watching a movie with Ziggy. You all have my mad lack of DVD-playa-connecting skillz for this inane list.
34. I’m a Masshole.
35. I have a very big laugh.
36. to 38 B, thanks. Not so big that bralessness is uncomfortable, but big enough that bralessness would be noticed.
37. Outside of the U.S., I’ve traveled to Canada, Mexico, England, Spain, Italy, Switzerland, Austria, Germany, Hungary, Slovakia, and Belgium.
38. I’ve been living in Chicago since 2002. It's such a great city.
39. I miss driving.
40. I’ve been told by people who know me well, that I seem like “the kind of person who would elope.” I take it as a compliment, but find it funny since …
41. I’m almost perpetually single.
42. I used to know all 7 million verses of “America the Beautiful,” “This Land Is Your Land,” and “God Bless America.”
43. See, in high school, I was in this cheesy traveling musical theatre troupe, and we used to perform 3-hour-long patriotic revues at my town common on Independence Day
44. (I loved it.)
45. I will always, always be able to name … nay, SING all 50 United States in alphabetical order.
46. But I’d be hard pressed to label them all on a map.
47. I’m a huge klutz, and frequently break stuff. Accidentally, of course
48. I frequently experience déjà vu.
49. I have parents who are still married. They’re awesome.
50. I have an older sister who’s a lawyer. She’s awesome.
51. I’m the family weirdo. I’m awesome.
52. I’ve had a long-standing crush on Jesus, and I hooked up with James Dean.
53. See, I played Mary Magdalene in a high school production of “Jesus Christ, Superstar,” and was just gaga over my leading man. (What a sweetie.)
54. Also, I attended a party where one of the guests was named James Dean. No shit. We made out.
55. Take #53 and #54, and you’ve got a shiny new #52! See?
56. I hardly think my mathematical alchemy should count as #55. Nor should this count as #56.
55. I think the only thing more depressing than not having anything to do on a Friday night is watching infomercials on a Friday night. Oh, and all those starving babies the world over. And the AIDS epidemic. I guess maybe those things are more depressing than spending my Friday night watching 60-minute ads for miraculous non-stick omelet pans.
56. I’ve been told I look like Janis Joplin, Renee Zellweger, and Lilli Taylor, and that I remind people of Debra Jo Rupp (the mom from “That 70s Show”). None of those people are remotely similar. I am a black hole of celebrity resemblance!
57. I’m starting to feel like my life is not complete without a miraculous non-stick omelet pan.
58. I really wish I could get my DVD player to work so I could stop watching infomercials.
59. I’m not very wild, but I’m really open-minded.
60. I’m an actress.
61. I once had a drawing hanging in the Wang Center in Boston. It was one of my least-favorite pieces of art I ever created.
62. I despise hot weather.
63. I love the autumn.
64. I love the smell of seasons changing.
65. I love my friends.
66. I should be more involved with my family.
67. I’m not naturally a phone-person, but I’ve learned to deal with that since moving away from my family, and since my friends have become more far-flung the world over.
68. I dearly, dearly want to see a Tom Waits show.
69. I can’t sew. I’ve tried. To much of it depends on the ability to cut/attach things in straight lines.
70. I appear hopelessly disorganized, but I get stuff done.
71. I think I’d make a fantastic mom, but I guess that’s not something one can know.
72. I’m not an insomniac, but I go through periods of sleep-strike, wherein sleep is absolutely repugnant to me.
73. I’ve had a few stigmata-related dreams.
74. I know it’s not hip, but I really like people. I’d probably like you, too.
75. I recently discovered that I HATE Dashboard Confessional. I realize this might make me a few enemies in this crowd, but so be it. Goddamn screechy nothing music.
76. I was once told that if I were a dog, I’d be an English sheepdog. I had longer hair then. Yeah.
77. I’m a makeshift puppeteer. (Everybody should be.)
78. My favorite book is “A Little Princess.” I’ve read it more times than I know.
79. I have a full-length, pimp-ugly, purple snakeskin coat. You know it’s a ghettofabulous occasion when I break out that motherfucker.
80. I love wandering.
81. I love biking.
82. I don’t read the paper nearly enough.
83. I have a very expressive face.
84. I’m very empathetic.
85. Maybe I’m not as nice to myself as I should be.
86. I miss the ocean.
87. I can’t get used to the unrelenting flatness of the Midwest. Sometimes I feel like I live in a mall.
88. I am very forgiving.
89. I liberally distribute benefit of the doubt, experience be damned.
90. I’m rather naïve. I wouldn’t change that.
91. I hate malls. (But I don't hate the midwest.)
92. I have a strong affinity for songs incorporating someone's first name, or the word "angel" in the title or lyrics. I don't really know why.
93. I have a hard time accepting that my life is probably not going to be like a romantic comedy.
94. I love sad songs.
95. My mom once told me she wished she could take some of the calluses from my sister’s heart and put them on mine. She worries a lot.
96. If I could dance, I think I’d be a good choreographer.
97. I can’t dance.
98. That doesn’t stop me from dancing.
99. I love dive bars and hate dance clubs.
100. Etcetera.
Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05
I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05
Here I Am - 08.02.05
One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05
Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05
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words © luvabeans, 2003 - 2004
