Nope, nothin'.

You know what that means, right?

SPAZZFEST!

Today's St. Patrick's Day, isn't it?

Given the fact that my full name is something akin to Kelly Erin Colleen O'FitzMcNeilDonovanKerry, I should give a damn, shouldn't I?

I should be swillin' it up in the streets wearing a green plastic top hat and green metallic beads and breen suspenders and a t-shirt reading "Fuck You, I'm Irish" or something, right? (Ooh! I wonder if T-shirts like that actually exist. If so, I want one.)

I should be wearing at least a speck of green, probably? Nope, I'm wearing a black shirt scattered with white cat hair.

I completely forgot about St. Patrick's day. I hope this doesn't get back to the Saint, himself. He might pipe all the snakes back into the Vatican or take his finger out of the hole in the dam or chop down the cherry tree or drop-kick the little baby Jesus or whatever.

And then what would Hal1mark do? God, what a thought! If Ha1lmark crumbles, Disney might somehow be sucked into the avalanche, and then what? It would be like snapping shut an umbrella which shelters all of American commerce! Heavens! There goes the melting pot!

Sorry. I honestly don't know what I'm talking about. Fact is, I'm out of touch with my Irish roots, and I have little idea what corned beef, cabbage, green MGD, or public mayhem have to do with St. Patrick or Ireland. Maybe if I were to bone up on my history, I'd find out that St. Patrick had turned one loaf of bread into dozens of sides of lovely, marbelled magenta corned beef before ridding the cabbage patch of locusts and turning the ale to emeralds.

That's actually a cool little legend... Yay for St. Patrick's Day! What a great day! May your ale run cheap and green.

Beer. Whiskey. Something.

Erin go braugh.

I've been MIA lately, I know. There was a big meeting this week, and I've been making so many photocopies that I think I've lost my soul to the Canon gods. Meeting is now over and done with, and I can now dedicate more of my time to the stunning drivel such as what you just read. And are still reading. And continue to read. What is wrong with you?

No, but Main Boss Man gave me a ride to the Grand High Meeting last night, and the entire time I was in his car, all I could think was "I will not fart in my boss's car. I will not fart in my boss's car."

There wasn't much worry of that, since I didn't have to fart, but once the sentence popped into my head it just kept running on loop until I started smirking and had to hide my face in my sleeve.

Can you imagine? It was just he and I in the car, so if one of us had farted, there would be no way of blaming it on anyone else. Diffusion of responsibility is decidedly limited.

Christ. The movie of my life would be directed by the Farrelly brothers.

It was snowing this morning. SNOWING on March 16th! I thought it was rather beautiful, actually. Sort of a miracle, or a pretty armageddon.

OOH! If I ever write a book, no matter what it's about, I think I'll entitle it "Pretty Armageddon."

Steal my title, I kick your throat.

I came home the other night to find out that Ziggy had ransacked my makeup supply and scattered it all over my apartment. Didn't I tell you he was a glam rocker?

Seriously, the cat opened the cabinet under the sink in my bathroom, ignored all the chewy, cottony things that cat's normally go for, and presumably dragged out my makeup bag. He then rifled through my eyeshadow and lipstick and stuff. I'm continuing to find applicators in dark corners of my room, and I know I didn't put them there. He seems to be fondest of my black liquid eyeliner. Very dramatic.

My question is, why doesn't he feel comfortable coming to me directly? If he asked to use my make-up, I'd let him. Is Ziggy ashamed of his sexuality? Is he bitter that I had his balls chopped off? Did I lead him to believe that I wouldn't accept him, lipstick and all?

I just want my baby to be happy. Maybe there's a support group.

Nope. Nothing to say. It's time to go home and wash my hair. I look like a junky.

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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BUY JEN'S BOOK! BUY IT! DO IT!

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BUY DEAN'S BOOK, TOO! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA! SERIOUSLY.

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