I arrived at work, trudged off the bus, trudged across the street, and trudged upstairs, and into the break room to put my lunch in the fridge. Josefa from A/P was there, toasting English muffins.

"Want muffin?"

"No, thanks. I'm all set. Smells good, though."

"Hahahahaha!"

Because my refusal of muffins is funny? I don't understand people, sometimes. Hyper-civility makes my jaw tense.

Anyway, so I'm on my way out of the break room, when Josefa points to the floor and says, "Ooh ... Someone step in something."

There was a not-so-mysterious brown substance (which became even less mysterious once I bent within sniffing range to clean it up) tracked all over the tiles in front of the fridge and coffee maker. Yes, indeedy, somewhere between the bus and the break room I had picked up generous schmear of dog shit on the bottom of my flip-flop. Good morning, dog poop. ("Good times, noodle salad." NAME THAT MOVIE!) Started with me crouching to clean dookie from the floor with wet paper towels.

Did you know that when you spread dog poop thinly enough, it's actually a shade of green? Go fig. It wasn't so terrible. Done in a jiffy. Rico My Main Maintenance Man freshened up with a nice layer of pine sol, anyway, so it was even cleaner than before. I was strangely embarrassed, though, and that doesn't make any sense. I mean, it wasn't my poop.

But ... luckily, the poop was not to remain a recurring theme for my Wednesday. There was an office birthday, which of course means YUMMIES! Then I did some work ... stuff ... and went to acting class.

So, I've said before, I love this class. Love the people, love the work, love the teacher, love it. It's a challenge, nothing is just handed to you, and no one sucks. So, last night, we're talking about casting and work and stuff, and my teacher, a professional casting director, off-handedly says that she would feel comfortable casting me as a swing understudy at Steppenwolf for "both a 25 year old character or a 40 year old character, because you're good, and you could go up."

Now, this may sound like a wonderful thing, and it is nice. But, let me translate ... That shit is actorspeak for "Honey, it's not because you're bad, but you're probably not going to get much acting work for another 15 years."

Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm 24 years old, and I don't have the right "look" to play most characters in my age range. (But, apparently, I could pass for FORTY in a pinch. Where's my noose?) Seriously, I don't take it personally. But, what the hell do I do in the meantime? I'm too smart to stay a secretary for 15 fucking years while I wait to accumulate some kind of acting career. I really have to look, in earnest, at Master's programs.

Master's in what? Good damn question.

I think I'll just get a general Masters of the World degree. I'll invent the program myself. An MW. Just something I can put on my resume, hang on my wall, or wave around like a lunatic screaming, "I AM A MASTER OF WORLD! I AM A MASTER OF WORLD!" I think that's the greatest possible degree, ever. Hell, maybe I'll do the 5-year Ph.D. program in World.

I dare anyone to reject me for any job when they see that I'm a Doctor of World. "Pshh ... she can do it. She's got her World Ph.D."

Ooohhh ... my universal domination plan comes to fruition ...

I swear, I'll be a very benevolent Omnipotent Goddess. You'll be glad to have me.

Hey, guys? Thanks for all your kind comments yesterday. Seriously, I thought I was being totally annoying, and I wasn't expecting such supahstah support.

I'd still like to look like Cameron Diaz, though.

Oh, well. When I'm Omnipotent Goddess of All, such things will be irrelevant. Either that, or everyone will look like Cameron Diaz ... which, I suppose, would also make appearance irrelevant. I mean, if we're all going to look the same, we might as well look like a bunch of toilet brushes. Right?

Poof!

~ Last Five Entries ~

Moths, and Relative Nonsense - 08.18.05

I Finally Have Internet Access in my Bedroom. But, No Ashtray. - 08.09.05

Here I Am - 08.02.05

One-Armed Paper Hanger Earns her Wings - 07.29.05

Sugar & Lemon - 07.28.05

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